Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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