I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
