So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
