So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
