it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
