do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
