Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
