Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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