I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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