you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
