she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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