I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
