I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize