I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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