i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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