I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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