Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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