Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
