If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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