Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
