I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
