i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
