Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
