I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
