Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
