i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
