awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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