Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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