So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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