I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
