Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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