it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I could make wine with my vomit
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
