Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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