He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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