im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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