Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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