This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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