he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
