Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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