Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
