You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
