I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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