Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
