Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
