There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
