Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
