I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no, he came in my armpit
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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