I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
