Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize