In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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