It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
