And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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