If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
