also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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