I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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