She's JV to your varsity
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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