I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
