I looked at my own cervix.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
