Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
