So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
