went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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