Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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