I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize